You Don’t Have to Make it Look Easy: Caring for Your Mental Health to Care for Your Kids
There’s an unspoken pressure many parents feel to make it all look easy. To hold it together emotionally and never let the cracks show. But we all know the truth that parenting isn’t supposed to be easy, and striving to appear perfect often gets in the way of what your kids really need—you, as you are.
The good news is, “good enough” parenting is more than enough. In fact, it’s often the healthiest approach for your children and for you.
Here are four truths to keep in mind as you care for your own mental health while raising your kids:
1. Your mental health is not separate from your parenting. It’s central to it.
How you care for your emotional well-being sets the tone for your family. Children are deeply attuned to the emotional climate around them. When you practice self-awareness, self-care, and self-compassion, you’re modeling essential skills your kids will carry into their own lives.
Research spotlight:
Greater Good Magazine shows how to bring more self-compassion into your parenting day by day: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_parents_need_a_little_self_compassion
2. Authenticity matters more than appearing “fine.”
You don’t need to hide your struggles to protect your kids. In fact, when you acknowledge emotions appropriately and openly, your children learn that all feelings are normal and not something that needs to be “fixed”.
Letting your kids see you feeling sad, overwhelmed, or uncertain (within reason and in age-appropriate ways) helps them develop emotional vocabulary and empathy. It also creates a deeper sense of connection: “My parent is real with me. I can be real too.”
Being authentic doesn’t mean oversharing or losing control but rather staying connected to yourself and showing up as a whole person, not just the “perfect” parent.
Research spotlight:
Child Mind Institute highlights how authentic parenting helps kids learn how to cope based on parents’ modeling: https://childmind.org/article/how-to-model-healthy-coping-skills/
3. Flexibility beats perfection every time.
Rigid parenting standards—whether self-imposed or socially expected—can leave you exhausted and disconnected. The truth is, flexibility fosters resilience. Not every moment will go as planned, and that’s okay.
What matters most is your willingness to return to your parenting values and your family’s values. When your kids see you adjust and repair harm with grace, they learn how to do the same.
Research spotlight:
Psychology Today explains what psychologically flexible parenting might look like: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/striving-thriving/202110/how-be-psychologically-flexible-parent
4. Boundaries are an act of love for you and your kids.
Giving everything you have, all the time, isn’t sustainable. Boundaries are made so that you can love your family better. They help your children understand mutual respect and appreciate a person’s emotional limits.
When you say, “I need a moment,” “I’m not available right now,” or “This is how I’m taking care of myself today,” you’re helping your kid understand how real care works.
Research spotlight:
At Understood.org, Dr. Nekeshia Hammond provides steps for taking care of ourselves as parents: https://www.understood.org/en/podcasts/in-it/parental-burnout-before-you-lose-it
And here’s a great video of Dr. Becky Kennedy clearly explaining boundaries with kids: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmhvFzqX_Ic
Final Thought
Tending to your mental health is part of the path to good parenting. Let’s start seeing it for what it truly is: an act of family leadership.
